I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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