i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She bit a glass in half.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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