i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Randomize
