He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
