I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
