So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
