i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm always down for nudity.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
