I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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