you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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