I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
