i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
