i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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