The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
