My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
