You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize