your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
