mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
