You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
