Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His hands were made for my vagina.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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