Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
