No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
