I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As shirtless as possible
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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