So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
