my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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