I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
