i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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