we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
