They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
