How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
