My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sext me about skeletons
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
