I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
