We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize