I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
