he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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