I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
