I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize