Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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