Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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