I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You left your underwear on the fireplace
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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