i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
