I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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