This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
