I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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