1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
