I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
