Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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