What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
