it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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