Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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