3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
