I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
