remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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