Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
