my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
