just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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