He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think your dad took our porno
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Damn victory sex feels great
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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