don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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