Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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