I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
