did you get engaged???
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
