I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
