my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
