She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
