Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize