i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
