ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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