So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize