dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
