i think my tv is drunk
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
