Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
