whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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