Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
