You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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